i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
