some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
