i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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