I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am mentally ready for anal.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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