Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
