Umm I'm too high to move.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
