The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
