So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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