Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
