I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
