im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You pole danced in your parka.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Bring me that man meat
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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