I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
