You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
