I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize