he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
