guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
