I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
