Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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