So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
