Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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