Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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