it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
