Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
