I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
