I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
