She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
