I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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