A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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