I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
