All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
