i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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