So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
