and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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