i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
