I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
