Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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