At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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