I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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