Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
