my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
