from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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