The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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