Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
