his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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