Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
