He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
