I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so let's talk penis.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
