I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
