Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
