my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
