He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
