i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
