Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
