i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
