He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
