I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
