hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
