he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
