My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
