So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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