i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Found your dick twin last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
