That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
