theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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