your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
