i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
