Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
