I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
