Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
