Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
