I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
