new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
