I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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