We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
