I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
