That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm