Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.